Sunday, January 18, 2009

Panic and Curves

It seems like forever since I've written an entry. This last week has been filled with both joy and panic, with an extra dose of the 'panic' component. I had obsessed so much on the opening of the play, that I wrote this entire preamble that explained everything. When I stood up to work it in rehearsal, I quickly surmised that it was totally wrong, even though I'd spent about a week on it. As I was standing there speaking the words, I went through that anxiety that most performers go through, "What if I can't do this? What if this doesn't work? What if I die on stage?" Something like that. This, however, is usually a turning point in finally getting to the raw core of the work. For the past two days, I've been writing, for a couple of hours, then taking a thirty minute nap, then writing, then writing, having a snack, writing... you get the picture. BUSY. Only four weeks away, and I have twenty pages of monologue to still memorize. I could only memorize what I felt was finished, but I'm finally getting there. The monologue that the character speaks to his mother has been written every which way but Sunday, finally, yesterday, the monologue came out right. I've written five different monologues before I found the right tone. Then there was trouble with the overall structure of the piece. I realized that when I did the reading in Utah, that I could really read and write and take the piece anywhere I wanted to go. When something is new, it will generally always play in the first reading, because there is something fresh that will carry it. In a show, however, that doesn't fly. EVERYTHING needs to work. Tonight, I finally have some relief because I really think that progress has been made. Even though I do freak a little about the performance part of things, its the material that ultimately freaks me out. It has to be good. It has to work. It has to be 'tight'. So, there you have the 'work' report. 

On the Hollywood front, I'm liking this place more and more as each day passes. I wouldn't be surprised if this becomes my winter base. Of course, I'll have to figure out how to finance, but I think great things are about to happen. I have a great deal of faith in the energy that is coming my way right now. Kurt has been here about a week, and of course with him comes another powerful surge of energy. He has meetings set up, ideas galore, and keeps us all working in a very healthy way. He's great to have here. Scott has been working with a post-production movie guy, so he's on a learning curve. We are all on THE MASSIVE LEARNING CURVE. 

Hopefully, I'll be able to report, (sorry Cheryl) a little more frequently this week. With Kurt's arrival, the concentration has definitely changed. The focus has been completely directed towards the play. Buy your tickets. We will deliver. Come to L.A., even for a short trip. We are in the 'thick of it'. Its exciting! 


Gerry said...

I am sure that every person performing in a new play, especially one they wrote, is going to experience those moments of panic and wondering whether it can be pulled off. But intense preparation usually produces the best possible results. Yes, we are getting ourselves in gear for a trip. I know I am. I am trying to rest and be strong. Mom

annk said...

The difficulty of the not only has to be right, it has to flow with creative energy. May you tap into that flow, so it becomes part of the production. I can only admire your nerve. And your work .. without that, the 'flow' goes.

Larena said...

I am excited for you Raymond. The thing about being creative is that for every bit of hard work and panic that might drain your energy there is an opposite flow of joy and new energy. Even though I can't make the trip to L A right now I will be remembering all of the good productions you have done where I sat in the audiance and felt so proud of you.

Anonymous said...

I'm ok without a regular report, it's just that I'm hooked on the energy of this process. A great ride to get me to the changes in my life as well. Looking forward to the production.