Saturday, November 29, 2008


This morning I'm going for breakfast at 'The Astro Family restaurant, and then to an A.A. meeting down in Hollywood. The name of the meeting is 'Artists In Sobriety'. THAT should be interesting, as lots of artists have demons to contend with. I haven't been to a meeting since May, mostly because where I was living in Boulder, Utah, there probably has never been a meeting there, it probably could have saved a few there had someone brought a meeting in--perhaps next summer I can be the first. I was telling Billy on Thanksgiving how many drinking and bar room songs I have in my list of melody--there is always such a dangerous boozy romanticism with these songs. Lately, I've been listening to the 'love song' station on satellite radio instead of the 'outlaw country' station I'm so used to listening to.  I suppose its like listening to news all day like yesterday---it gets to you sooner or later. 

Early this morning I woke up after a dream--don't really remember the dream except I was in a panic--maybe these Silver Lake ghosts are lurking from my youth, or some hidden fear coming out. When I first got in this room, I had 'an actor's nightmare' dream. I wandered all over the stage in a play not knowing my lines--the other actors where horrified and of course, so was I. I've always had these kind of dreams, and from talking to other actors, most of them do to. Just one time, however, I'd like to have one of those dreams where I knew every line.  When I was teaching acting, I would always ask students what their greatest fear was of being on stage in a play. It was always, 'forgetting my lines'. I read where speaking in front of people was just beneath death as a general fear of humans, I suppose having the lines given to the memory would up the stakes. I've always admired film actors who are not just 'film' actors, but venture onto the stage. Alec Baldwin used to play on Broadway, as did Jessica Lange, I once saw Mary Louise Parker to a very difficult Paula Vogel play in NYC, "'Learning How to Drive', whenever I see her in something in a movie or her series, 'Weeds' there is depth to what she is doing. When you act in the theatre, you don't get to do a second or third take--mistakes are something that do happen on stage, but you always try to minimize.  As I'm talking about this I'm realizing how much I miss my students, teaching, 'teaches' you so much, and it seems, there is always growth happening. High school and college students are challenging but wonderful to teach. Life moves forward, and I know I'll have a chance to teach again...

So, I'm off to my meeting, have a great Saturday, talk to you soon. 


Gerry said...

I just posted my Thanksgiving entry telling about my holday and came back to find you were going to what sounds like an AA meeting fit for you, "Artists in Sobriety." You will have to tell us all about it, and if it different than the Crossroads in Phoenix. You will meet some people and I know you will teach again. Something great will come out of your struggle to make an impact in Los Angeles, which might translate to other directions to take, but what does not kill us will make us stronger. I was worried about you being too alone down there after so many years surrounded by your kids (students). I don't remember ever seeing you in those years without a bunch of kids swarming around you Yes, you must miss that close contact with them, and will have to get used to another way to connect to them and others. Mom

annk said...

Gerry, I just tried to pose a comment on your Thanksgiving entry, but it didn't take. I enjoyed that one. Raymond, Hi!
I love hearing about your L.A. life, dreams and all. Being off trying to get a happening from all your past creative work is no easy job. Are you just working currently on your one-man show?
From out of hard work... I just saw a show on successful people..the main key to their lives was hard work.