Sunday, June 27, 2010

'A Field of Crows'

Warning: Plenty of God talk in this section. Next time, I will put the God talk at the end of the entry, but I feel its important today.

This morning, after my experience in 'The Pristine Shady Place', I found myself with some trepidation about walking up the road and through the shady place where the thought occurred to me that "this is where God will speak to you…" It's Sunday, and I woke up in the middle of the night thinking, "maybe I should go to church today…" Well, when I woke up, that was not going to happen. Instead, I was in some denial about walking up the road, reasoning that I would spend a Sunday morning at home. I didn't have any energy, and had had a restless night. As I sat here, I began to think, "Okay, what if there is something I need to hear and I'm refusing it?" So, in what seemed to take forty-five minutes to get ready, Baby and I finally started on the walk. Two things occurred. The first was that the interruption of thought happened going through the 'vortex' the other way, and, I remembered an experience that happened in the field to the right of the cottonwood tunnel two years ago. The ascertaining of the thought was really pretty simple. Because I expected whatever it was that was going to happen would manifest on the way home, I didn't really have any big preparation going through. Still, for some reason while walking through I turned my hands forward, like some weird form of submission. This was the thought: "Walk by faith, and look for the light." Pretty simple, right? Except if you are in Boulder in the morning. The light on the sandstone is intense and plentiful. I looked over at the Sugar Loaf, and sure enough, the light on the ledge was mixed with a wonderful menagerie of coral, cream, and sandy colored Navajo sandstone, there was my light, contrasted by deep shadows in the crevices, so vivid, so easy to discern. I was not expecting any kind of physical manifestation of my directive, it was so simple and so standard. The walk itself was a walk of faith, because I had absolutely no energy. Now, this gave way to a full blown mediation for the two miles up the road and back. Now, on the way back, there was this. I remembered two summers ago, in the field to the left of my shady place, I had another experience. I won't mention their names, but two years ago, the people who own that field were on a Mormon handcart re-inactment. As they were walking their handcarts up a hill, a truck came from the opposite direction. Blinded by an intense sunlight in the early morning, the truck ran over and killed two family members of their close friends. I remember distinctly the day I heard the story. As I was driving home thinking about what I had just heard, I looked into this same field next to my tunnel. The field was full of crows. Not just a few crows, a literal 'field of crows'. I remember thinking, "My God, that's to many crows for one field to hold." Again, the thought interrupted my thoughts trying to ascertain the meaning of this phenomenon of the crows. It was a week later when 'The Ryans' returned and I did share my experience with them. So, it occurred to me this morning, this is not the first time I have had an experience with this spot. Boulder is a place that many people pick up on the power of the landscape, the power of the raw energy of the canyons and shear rock cliffs. What you need to understand about me is that I'm no 'vortex' guy, or at least not consciously, I'm pretty simple minded when it comes to any new agey kind of rhetoric, but there are some things in life's experiences that seemingly have no reason for manifesting except to speak VERY loudly to you. "walk by faith, look for the light. A field of crows…" End of the God talk, for now. Surmise or comment what you will.

Last night, we loaded up and made the twenty-eight mile trek to Escalante to 'play our gig'. The music was pretty good, but the crowd there was very small, (I'm pretty used to this by now). For some reason, I expected the place to be packed with relatives and friends who had seen the advertisement. It was not to be so. Still, our little band, 'Out on Bail' did a great job with our set, even though the audience was small. As with doing 'Bohemian Cowboy', I'm used to finding the silver lining in the smallish crowd, but sometimes, it begs the thought, "Is this some kind of karmic penance I'm traveling through?"

Yesterday, my brother Dan, Baby, and I drove down to Deer Creek to walk up the cold stream to 'The Refridgerator', to soak our bodies in the ice cold water. Very cold water takes the aches out of the body in a really amazing way. The Fridge, is a natural Jacuzzi, and once one musters the courage to get in its waters, the results are immediate. When I put my hands in the water, I realized how much pain I have been carrying in my hands, because of the sting. It could be from playing so much guitar, or writing so much, but I've begun to notice the intense pain in my hands more and more. I think I'll go back today for some more cold therapy.

Not to belabor the ideas I've presented, but while writing this the thoughts occur, "I have no choice but to walk by faith…" Even if I wanted to, there is no other way for me to walk. I've lost practically everything into some strange theatre vortex with no real possibility of getting any of it back. Perhaps its led me to what I am now experiencing, an intense time for me, to walk in faith… Have a great Sunday, and don't be afraid to talk to people about what you are experiencing, as I've learned these last few days, someone needs to hear what you are sharing…

4 comments: said...

Your field of crows remind me of my ten blue herons flying from Mrs. Peter's Pot...such a unique experience. I didn't think there was that many herons in the country. I think THAT is tied up in this 'book of family experiences' I am dong about the Grand Staircase-Escalante monument which is actually driving me quite crazy trying to get it right...the right version published, the right time, the right book(??)FRUSTRATING! Then...I think that I need to get out the story of ten blue herons, so I'm back to work again.
You are gathering strength for your breakthrough..know it or not. Your mom is nearly 80 waiting for hers. We gather strength through small events that become sustaining.
A field of crows...those crows do swarm at times. I love those 'little' insights that become
a spiritual breakthrough. Keep the faith.
These dry spells overcome.

Chanelle said...

That was beautiful and I hope the meditation helped. But, isn't it amazing what we learn when we are willing to listen? As you listen and act upon what you hear {like going to church} you will find more direction and inspiration for your shows and for life.

And if I lived near by I would be in your audience ~ I've actually wanted to come for months. I find your story very intriguing, raw and real.

Keep listening to quiet voices and people will begin to hear you. How do I know? It's happening to me in a wonderful way!

Thanks for sharing! Again, it was beautiful!

A distant cousin~

Gerry said...

I enjoy hearing about such experiences very much as I am always looking for inspiration and a little more depth. I read several books about animals and birds and their psychic pickups which accounted for birds gathering at a spot where death had entered the vibrations through the family that lives there. So all of nature seems connected more than we realize. I was finally inspired to get back to my memoirs and strangely the memories that so troubled me to write seemed to fade in importance leaving others in their place that were more upbeat, so that problem was solved by giving it some time as so many problems are. And yes reality often falls short of expectations but that just causes us to have to think about how to reach those we want to reach, some other way.

Anonymous said...

Whenever I start to get that uncomfortable little feeling in the pit of my stomach which signals the beginning of fear and anxiety about my life and the situation I find myself in, I've found that all I have to do is go and be somewhere in nature even if just my backyard and just really look and listen to my surroundings, be completely present, almost immediately I find peace.....Thats God.

Once on a camping trip a crow stayed with me the whole weekend, he followed everywhere I went. It freaked me out for a while but by the end of the trip I really felt like I had expierenced something spiritual.