'Finally In Boulder'

Finally, I'm home in Boulder. Right now, however, I'm sitting in a place called The Kiva Koffeehouse, which is between Boulder and Escalante, perched upon a cliff looking down into the Escalante River, in a word, its breathtakingly beautiful. This year, I don't have the built in w-fi that I had last summer, so as I wait for it, I have to sneak away to cafes, stores, and other places where I can steal a few minutes on the web. 

The last week has been getting my trailer fired up, getting electricity humming, the water hot, and the dust and cold moved out. When I first arrived, I immediately felt the anxiety of such contrasting landscapes and culture, L.A. to Boulder is quite a stretch. Today, I feel calm and clear thinking, and the planning for the show is getting underway. The first two shows won't be until June, so that gives me a month and a half to build my 'touring' set, and incorporate some of the photos, bells and whistles that I want to do to improve the show. I also have been going over the script again and again, smoothing things out. People have asked me, "How do you remember the show if you aren't doing it every week..."  Good question. Each night, when I turn out the light, I go through about a third of the show.  I do this for three nights in a row until I am through the show (at least the memorization), then take one night off, and then start the process all over again. This is nice because I can take my time going through it, any of the tiniest things I want to change I do this during this process. 

I've also been researching theatre companies around the country, and drafting a query letter to see what the possibilities are of bringing the show there. This will take some time. Most companies are coming to the end of their seasons, and so its a little difficult to get them to reply. 

Today's blog will have to be a short one, tonight I am playing up at Hills and Hollows, (a country store) and am behind after being in Escalante for the better part of the afternoon. On the way back, there was an asian couple stuck off the road buried to the frame in the sand. After stopping several different cars and trucks, we finally found a chain and pulled them out. Its interesting to be back in a land where the traffic is sparse, the sky is really blue, and the people have lots of time on their hands... 

'Deep Impact'

I'm still in St. George, the storm and the cold weather kept me here for a few more days. I love staying here and visiting with friends and relatives, but I'm anxious to get to Boulder and get my little house in the orchard hooked up and humming with ideas. Friday, Cheryl took me to meet with Bruce Bennett, my theatre connection here. We discussed two different venues here in St. George, and the possibility of doing four or five shows here look promising. Yesterday, I went with cousin Gaden and family to Springdale, where Rick and Karen were camping out and testing their trailer. It was cold, but we had beef stew and blankets to keep us warm. Springdale sits at the mouth of Zion National Park, and it looks to be another possibility of doing a show. I'm anxious to get started on learning about touring, and all that I must do. I must admit, however, as I get older, 'touring' is harder on the body and the routine. Boulder will give me some time to plan how I will manage this, as always, reality collapses the fantasy, still, I think I can make it work. 

This morning, I've been searching photos of paintings of Hamlet, Ophelia, and Jesus, with a plan to incorporate them into the show. I've also been thinking about a mixed media presentation of the show, done with voiceover, photos, and video--a film of sorts, with a mix of these forms to give it substance. Now that I have the show, three different 'rough' videos of the show, I can begin to incorporate them into a cohesive mix. I bought a book before I left Los Angeles, 'My First Movie: Take Two' which is the second of a series of directors directing their first movie. The most interesting so far is Aleandro Gonzalez Inarritu, whose first movie was 'Amorres Perros', then '21 Grams', and then 'Babel'. He takes several stories and interweaves them into a cohesive whole. I remember watching 'Amorres Perros' for the first time. It was one of those movies where I thought, "I can't move... how did he do that?" It is a brutal movie, a brutal subject matter, (dogfighting, car wrecks, and murder) one of those movies that sticks to your ribs. He speaks of film making as a masochistic endeavor, a singular focus, the story of making the movie is almost as brutal as the film. Making art with a singular focus is brutal at times,  an alternative world. There is definitely a price to pay. Before he made this movie, he had never even been to a film festival before his movie played in Cannes, during Critic's Week. Within the week, he was the most sought out interview of the festival. There were several key things he said I thought profound, one is that "No one can really read your script and have an understanding of how it works but a director..." (in this case he was both writer and director). "The vision of what you are trying to do is firmly written in your head with words and images, and no one can really see it the same way ..." I think its the same with a play, its difficult to get someone who can read your play and really know how it works. Its one of the reasons I work singularly with Kurt, (the director of my play and eight others), he knows my work, my family, and my history. This has come from a long friendship and sharing history with him,  and, that  I have an interesting family, with a long tradition of story telling. A word to artists: "Cultivate relationships with people who are interested in your life, and do the same for the person you seek to work with... Especially if you are seeking collaborative art forms such as film and theatre, you can't do it alone..." Inarritu is a film maker I suspect has deep relationships with other artists, and they know that this deep collaboration will yield beautiful art. It is so important as well to keep up the relationships with the people who 'come into a place' where they will 'think of you' when they have an opportunity to create something 'bigger' than the world you knew them in. 

As I may have mentioned before, post time after doing a play is always a difficult time for me. The prolonged use of heightened senses begin to retreat for a rest, but other parts of the body and brain keep going. Luckily, for me, the traveling and the stimulus I'm experiencing right now are keeping the demons at bay. The only noticeable side effect has been a deep sense of longing and nostalgia. For some reason, regret and a feeling of being lonely are springing up in my emotions. Images appear in my brain without notice, usually memories that are some how tied into something that happened long ago. I know getting to Boulder and walking will help, as will a steady diet and a chance to play some music and write some songs. It looks like I'll make it there tomorrow. Stay steady... stay steady...

'Creation As The Life Force'

So much has happened since last time I wrote. I'm really starting to feel like the 'Bohemian Cowboy'. Saturday night, we wrapped up L.A. with The First Annual Bukowski Festival, a celebration of poetry, literature, and art. It was a great night of Bukowski and Linda King revelry, and the poetry, literature, and paintings were indeed, abundant. It was a fitting end to a great five month adventure in Los Angeles, and I've been on the road ever since. 

The morning after the 'event', we had to clear out of our West Hollywood apartment, and true to form in the theatre world, we all went our separate ways into 'the good night'. Scott went  to Santa Monica, I,  to Phoenix and then here to Utah, and Kurt to Kansas on his way back to NYC. Needless to say, when you work with people so closely, the 'separation anxiety' is true to form. After such an intense experience, its a little unsettling going back into 'the real world'. I stayed several days in Phoenix with my older brother Gary, (a great host by the way) spent far to little time with family, and then it was back on the road to St George, Utah. I am now officially departed from Phoenix, as I picked up the last of my things from Aunt Linda's house where it was stored. Its difficult to say what I'm feeling, as I've had little time to process except for the thinking I did traveling down the highway. Today, I drove two hours to another storage unit in Panguitch, and two hours back straightaway before the sun went down. Lots to do before I can settle for awhile, but I'll be back in my little trailer under the cottonwood trees before long, it will be good to be back with remnants of civilization at my front door, and the wilderness at my back. 

After I have a few days to relax and settle, it will be back to work playing guitar at the restaurant, and the beginning of the 'grand plan' to take 'the show on the road'. I'll now have to build a set that I can take with me, fitting in the back of the old pickup truck. Although before I left I made all the structural changes on the script, putting in sound effects, acting areas, beat breakdowns, etc., I will make some other changes to the text as well. Although I received some great feedback on the show, there are also parts that were not clear to some, so now goes the detailed 'tweaking'. I've also decided to put in more photographs and some video as well, and so, in short, the process starts all over again. I plan on putting the show up on June 20th, Father's Day, at the same place where I did the original reading. This will give me time to make the changes. I'll do that show with the 'tour' set I'll build, and with the new material, photos, video, and text. It will be more work, but I plan on trying to make a living on this show for at least a year, so I feel sufficiently motivated. 

I left many new friends in Los Angeles, and so many vivid memories and images. I was trying to explain to someone how in life, so often our expectations are dashed into fragments of reality. However, what I've experienced on this project, the opposite occurred. My expectations were all exceeded, and I'm left with bags and bags of gratefulness. While driving, I've tried to understand the difference in this paradox, and although I haven't come to any great conclusions on the matter, I have noticed that when one has nothing to lose, the expectations and result can only go up from there. It is however, an extreme way to live a life, still,  within the fragile line between life and death, there is a poise that one cannot come to any other way but through an action, when the decision arrives that there is no other way to break through to this understanding. I am amazed at the beautiful grace that landed in that profound interface between the two, and am humbled by its beauty. Sometimes, risking all has its reward, but so often, the temptation to cling to what is flesh holds us tight in its grasp, and we are blinded by our fear. Although there have been many times in my life that I have risked my last ten dollars on a can of black paint, this faith has exceeded even that gamble. I cannot speak of what I have discovered without faith, and cannot speak of this discovery without thanking the creator. Whether buddha, christian, muslim, or taoist, tonight I have such a strong sense of this life force, such a strong sense of something that held me up through this most wonderful time.

I  feel tonight as the evangelist, shouting to the congregation, "I have something to tell you! There is something there! For I know within me that I am not capable of exuding this kind of wonderful grace in isolation." In this play, near the end, the cowboy says to the audience, "I know my life has changed forever, for I can never return to my former self, well, it's like and angel, whose always sitting on the edge of my bed when I arrive home..." And the angel says each time, "Go therefore and prepare the way... go therefore and prepare the way..." The wonderful news is that we are all capable of this 'lifting', the only thing stopping us is 'the fear that we will fail', and failure is the only false prophet in this equation... (sorry for the soap box, but tonight I feel the testimony of art, and its maker.) Goodnight!