Drinking and the Muse...

Today I met with the Dikowski family at Canter's, the famous Jewish Deli on Fairfax. For three days I've been developing a cold that I can't shake. When I arrived at the Deli, I broke into a cold sweat, embarrassing because I was all at once sicker than a dog. I think its been getting used to the dampness that is California. I'm surrounded by vegetation, which is beautiful but keeps everything damp and cold. Yesterday, I finally bought a little space heater for my room, which helps, but can't tell whether the heat is making thinks worse. I remember when I was in the hospital, (the last time) I couldn't get warm for four days. They told me they kept the temperature down to kill germs and kept giving me blankets.  Its not the first time I've been sick and laid up by myself, but it compounds some of the loneliness. I'm not vying for sympathy, just reporting what I'm feeling. Last night I went and met The Palmers, (cousins) for Andy's basketball game. I was sick there as well, but held it together. I've been loading up on Vitamin C, trying to just take things a little slower. It was entertaining and uplifting to see family members, and I enjoyed watching a live game. 

Yesterday, I went to the 'Artists in Sobriety' A.A. meeting in Hollywood. I sat down next to a woman who "just happened to be a theatre producer..." just like that, after years of doing theatre and never meeting 'a producer', I go to an A.A. meeting and the first person I meet is... well, just that. It was surreal, as we started to talk, I realized that I had also become exactly what she was talking about as well, it seemed a startling revelation. When there is an absence of what you need, in life you seek to create it, in Los Angeles, it already exists. There is a company here that she works with called 'Theatre Planners', an actually company that works with people to help them put their shows in theatre spaces. I e-mailed her some of my history, and she forwarded my e-mail to a publicist she knows who will do all the media relationships, of course there is a fee, but there is a price to pay for everything.  As if this wasn't enough, the A.A. meeting had a chorus, a band, and a full Thanksgiving dinner. A.A., L.A. style. I will be going back, there are probably a multitude of projects with the genesis found at an A.A. meeting. I remember Robert Altman's movie, 'The Player', Tim Robbins, (a movie producer in the movie) is making a call from an A.A. meeting. He tells the person on the other end of the line that "This is where all the deals are being made in Hollywood right now..." That line popped into my head immediately.  Still, I'm not looking for a movie deal, just assembling a team to do some vibrant theatre. 

Last night, I slept fitfully, but I had a flying dream. This is a good sign from the sub-conscious. Not only was it a flying dream, but the flight was as fast as I've ever had in a dream. Probably some because I'm sick, still, I woke from it exhilarated, even trying to sleep to get it back. Usually my flying dreams hover slowly above the ground as I bump into tops of trees and navigate electric lines. This was straight, very controlled flight, a VERY good sign. Still, with all of this, tonight I had the impulse for a 'shot of whiskey', purely medicinal, still, its not an option...  I say that all the time, "It's not an option..." Its interesting how those impulses come so instantly, and then we are left putting the thought away the best we can. I think some of it had to do with watching 'Factotum' late last night starring Matt Dillon as Henry Chinaski, Charles Bukowski's alter-ego. Bukowski has probably been responsible for countless relapses, his own as well as countless others--his material so adeptly romanticizing the drinking muse. I once had a relapse after reading his novel, 'Hollywood', his writing easily leads to a drunk. Back in my own drinking days, I always wrote after coming off short or long binges, I think to prove that with all the guilt that alcoholic drinking comes a strange desire to fight back with anything that brings back to balance what you've lost. Creativity attempts to justify the addiction.  I did some of my best work after these periods, still, I never wrote well if I was drinking. After years of paying attention to writers with (drunken tendencies), most of them wrote while sober or at least hung over,  its really difficult for me to write while drinking, and I think its hard for anyone chemically impaired. I know that Kerouac wrote in an out of drinking, but he also used amphetamines to lift him back up. Although I like 'On The Road', I sometimes feel like he cheated by using speed to write. Well, I guess we all have our rules, although it may be deals we make with ourselves to put a drunk to sleep. So many worshipped Hunter Thompson, but I felt the same with his writing, that he was writing from an impaired  place, anything to get him going. Cheating. Try writing stone cold sober when you'd rather be drinking, then you have something you can place hope in. I had a good friend in the gymnastics days who I admired for his expertise on a tumbling floor, until I learned he trained with speed and cocaine. I thought, "Jesus, I could get at least that good if I was buzzed on benzadrine and coke all the time. I lost most of my respect for him. Cheating. My rules.  Still, I understand the addiction and the dark places that writers and artists go to create. My own writing is filled with drinking and violence, much of which I don't really identify with anymore. I will correct by saying that I don't believe that the authentic addicts and drunks who create intentionally do it for the muse. At a certain development of the addiction, creativity only becomes a device for possibly saving your own life. And then, a cycle develops that is very difficult to leave. Nothing short of full behavior modification will arrest the cycle. This is hard work.  No one sets out to become an addict so they can be creative. The reason people associate creativity with addiction is because its exploitive. The world certainly has its share of excellent writers and poets who are not addicts. The addicts are the ones we hear about because of the tragedy that begins to associate itself to their lives.  Train wrecks should be avoided at all costs, but we as humans certainly like our wrecks. I used to illustrate the point by asking my students what happened to them when a fight broke out at school. No student will tell you that they walk away,  even the most disciplined student will walk to the fight. Creativity is that paradox. Attempting to walk away from the fight. Success in doing so is so difficult to master. Tomorrow begins a new attempt to watch the fight and walk away, and knowing when to do so. Goodnight. 

Hollywood

This morning I'm going for breakfast at 'The Astro Family restaurant, and then to an A.A. meeting down in Hollywood. The name of the meeting is 'Artists In Sobriety'. THAT should be interesting, as lots of artists have demons to contend with. I haven't been to a meeting since May, mostly because where I was living in Boulder, Utah, there probably has never been a meeting there, it probably could have saved a few there had someone brought a meeting in--perhaps next summer I can be the first. I was telling Billy on Thanksgiving how many drinking and bar room songs I have in my list of melody--there is always such a dangerous boozy romanticism with these songs. Lately, I've been listening to the 'love song' station on satellite radio instead of the 'outlaw country' station I'm so used to listening to.  I suppose its like listening to news all day like yesterday---it gets to you sooner or later. 

Early this morning I woke up after a dream--don't really remember the dream except I was in a panic--maybe these Silver Lake ghosts are lurking from my youth, or some hidden fear coming out. When I first got in this room, I had 'an actor's nightmare' dream. I wandered all over the stage in a play not knowing my lines--the other actors where horrified and of course, so was I. I've always had these kind of dreams, and from talking to other actors, most of them do to. Just one time, however, I'd like to have one of those dreams where I knew every line.  When I was teaching acting, I would always ask students what their greatest fear was of being on stage in a play. It was always, 'forgetting my lines'. I read where speaking in front of people was just beneath death as a general fear of humans, I suppose having the lines given to the memory would up the stakes. I've always admired film actors who are not just 'film' actors, but venture onto the stage. Alec Baldwin used to play on Broadway, as did Jessica Lange, I once saw Mary Louise Parker to a very difficult Paula Vogel play in NYC, "'Learning How to Drive', whenever I see her in something in a movie or her series, 'Weeds' there is depth to what she is doing. When you act in the theatre, you don't get to do a second or third take--mistakes are something that do happen on stage, but you always try to minimize.  As I'm talking about this I'm realizing how much I miss my students, teaching, 'teaches' you so much, and it seems, there is always growth happening. High school and college students are challenging but wonderful to teach. Life moves forward, and I know I'll have a chance to teach again...

So, I'm off to my meeting, have a great Saturday, talk to you soon. 

India

Against better judgement,  I've been watching CNN all day, thinking about what a dangerous world its become.  Its so difficult to wrap a mind around this kind of killing, reminding me of how fragile life is--a cliche, but so true.  Extremism almost seem like a mental illness to me, its the only way I can begin to understand that kind of disciplined madness.  I've experienced plenty of depression and suicidal thoughts, still, its difficult to understand the suicide for a proposed purpose. Suicide that is selfishly motivated is a very different kind of taking a life. As I watch this whole episode unfold, I can't help thinking how precious life is, it reminds one to rethink destructive behavior, and choose life. I was talking to my mother on the phone, as I did, I was reminded  how difficult it is to not have accountability, although I have friends here, I'll have to build a wider base of accountability, so that the discipline can manage what I have to do. 

Listening to all the interviews emerge in India, I was struck by the fear in some of the voices, which I suppose is what the terrorists try to create--perhaps fear is multi-dimensional, on the one hand in extreme doses it becomes closer to evil, and yet facing our own individual fear is part of living a vibrant life. It seems somewhat strange to me as someone who has spent the majority of my adult life facing fear in the theatre. One would reason that after facing these fears over and over, I would have overcome it, alas, I do know what to expect, but still, the fear of failure is always there. Today,  what I am down here to execute seems so insignificant in comparison to what so many in the world face. I think of the soldier securing the streets of Iraq, or a child who has to face hunger each day. I suppose if I can create some universal connection with my shows, and change for the better a thought of a life, It will be worth it. However, when these things happen I have a compulsion to want to go and help. I suppose each of us has to decide what we can do to help how we can. Perhaps spending time thinking about it and sending our thoughts and prayers does help. 

Tomorrow I have two main tasks, I have to find an A.A meeting so that I can connect with people who are living a sober life, and then I'm off to Cal-State Fullerton to watch my cousin Andy play basketball and to see my other cousins.  I'm feeling a little alone tonight, but its not something I haven't felt before, its sometimes a part of life. This weekend I'll spend a couple more days exploring and getting focussed, then the first of December I will start a more disciplined plan of re-writing 'Bohemian Cowboy'.  The rewriting process is this: When you first write something it seems brilliant. Two days later it turns to mud. Two weeks later it has potential. I love the re-writing process, but again, one has to 'get to the mountain' to climb it. Its time to make the drive to the mountain. 

I've learned that playing my guitar and writing a song is a sure way to a companionship, I played most of the day yesterday at my friend Kent's house. Its interesting how performing relaxes me, I've gotten used to playing anywhere and any place I can. I didn't know all the people at his house, but music can build a bridge--and I made some friends. 

Tonight I am going to prayer and think about India, and oddly, I've been praying for Barrack Obama.  I suppose not really, oddly, I just haven't prayed for a president in many years... he's going to need lots of support. 

929 2nd Street.

Today I went down to the L.A. Arts district and looked at space and wrote down numbers. Because of the economy, the housing market has dropped 26%, which is really good for us. This space, 929 2nd Street is really promising. It's 2400 square feet and is already beautifully built out. One side is a large room, just enough to do intimate theatre for about fifty people, and the other side is a beautiful living space with a bathroom and a half and a stainless steel kitchen. There's even a fire place on the living side! It's perfect for us. I made an offer on the space for three months, I should hear the next day or two.  I'm really stoked about this space. The L.A. Arts District is the coolest place. Wider streets, lots of parking spaces, (especially in the evenings) restaurants, coffee spots, and galleries. I saw two theatres down there as well. I still have lots of other spaces to look at, but I can't see them being better than this one. I met Vanessa, who lives and works down there, for coffee. She was really encouraging bout the scene there, as well as our project. So, today is a good day. 

I'm encouraged about the next four months, I think it will be an unforgettable experience. I do feel like the gambler, ready to put everything on a couple of plays. Its somehow very exhilarating. I drove around down town L. A., it has changed a lot from years ago. I think I'll stay in for the rest of the day and work on the script, rain is on the horizon, two days from Thanksgiving. I also drove down Sunset Blvd. to West Hollywood. Its interesting, driving down Sunset, there is a feel of so much history and show business. Recording studios, record stores, restaurants, tattoo parlors, coffee shops, and energy. I found the Samuel French bookstore, I think I'll go there tomorrow. L. A. doesn't seem so daunting today, as I have a good idea of where I'll be a month from now. 

I found an old song in my composition book, I think I'll work on it this after noon, 

God bless the blues I stood behind/

morning shakes and rainy skies, 

But the angels they've been oh so kind/

still its bitter cold/and I'm feeling old/

Driving blind/ feel the wind again/

don't ask me where I've been/

its all in the not knowing/

to ask me were I'm going/

and I know my age is showing/

I took you by the hand/ and oh we ran/

into the night /we made our stand/

But darlin' we both knew it wasn't right/

you and me/filling up with lies/

me an expert/on the subtle ways of flight/

you'll forgive me in a year or two/

you'll thank the Gods it wasn't you/

that I was grafted to/

there are days when I will ask myself/

what she's doing now/

and pretend I'm thinking how/

it used to be/

there are corners I've been looking around/

I see you walking on the town/

all bundled up in sweaters/

thinking about those letters/

I'm back down in L. A. again/

letting freeways wear me thin/

Silver Lake and whiskey ghosts/

pretending I'm not on the coast/

alone again/

This is a good rough draft to start a song. I wish I could say it was happy, but that's the way it goes...

Space... the final frontier.

Scott called me today, he has been scouting locations for our endeavor. He found several in the downtown arts district--one is especially promising, I will go look at it tomorrow. I have decided that it will be better indeed to inhabit the space where the project goes up. That way, we can be there whenever we want. There are enough people working on the project that will enable us to build out risers, flats, and if the photos of the space are correct, there exists a stage in the space. After building out so many spaces, I'm of the notion that building the space ads to the excitement, and, we can set it up the way we want it. I don't know if I mentioned that we are also doing my play, 'Blue Baby, A Memoir', as well. Kent will be playing James Ray King, the cornerstone of the play. This way we can keep the space open five days a week for the month of February and part of March. The owner of the space seems like he will work with us to give us the space for three months. So, December will be the continued re-writing of the play, pre-production and design. In January we will inhabit the space and go to work. Very exciting. 

As always, this is a strange time of the year for many people with the holidays coming up. It is also the time of the year when Dad disappeared, now three years ago. When I write those words, I still get a lump in my throat, knowing he's still out in the desert somewhere. I'm hoping this work will honor him, as well as other members of family and friends. 

I'm getting used to my little room in Silver Lake, This is the fourth move I've made this year, and it looks like there'll be one more. I think if there is a hell, it will be a continual moving from one place to another.  I do wish I would have brought all my tools, perhaps I'll have to make a trip to get them for the build-out. I'm really tired today, I think with the driving, the moving, and shuffling my feet towards the project has finally got to me, so I'll try to take it easy for a day or two. Yesterday, I went to Kent and Nancy's house for some football and some music. There was a friend of Nancy's there, Carla, who is this amazing musician. We were able to collaborate on some songs, and it felt good to play again. I've been playing everyday since June, with the moving I've missed my sweet little martin guitar. Carla has two records out with Arista, so I felt It was a rare treat to play with her. I'm feeling tired but oh so optimistic. Once again, faintly, I can feel the energy out there, once I make a deal for the space, its ON ladies and gentlemen. 

Thanks to everyone coming to read and support, I'm just starting to get to some of the other blogs, but it will be a process. Some of the blogs I notice I can not make a comment on, some I can't even read. I'll pick up my knowledge in due time... thank you. 

Progress

Today, I moved into a room in a beautiful house in Silver Lake, ironically a half a mile from where I lived when I was seventeen, in my Aunt Linda's house. Silver Lake is strategically located near Hollywood and downtown Los Angeles. I have now hired my cousin Scott, and former student Alex to do the leg work for the space. We have mostly decided that we will rent where house space in the downtown arts district, and put up our own theatre. It sounds a little intimidating, but all of us are handy with tools. Alex owns a lighting and sound company and has decided to associate produce, so we are covered there. I've recently found out that the Hollywood theatre scene is mostly a competitive bunch who put up plays as showcases showing their acting skills. I am not interested in showcasing.  I want to put something up as a love of labor. I want to put everything I've learned into this production, and controlling and inhabiting the space is the best way to bring an energy to it. 

My small but efficient room is beautiful, and has all the things I need to get ready for pre-production. I have wi-fi, a microwave, a small refridgerator, and access to the kitchen as well. There is an outside patio off the room which is quaint and beautiful. Although I'm getting tired of moving my things from place to place, I'm glad I'll be here for at least a month. By the end of the month I'll have rested and be ready to move into the space. Tomorrow I'm going to meet Vanessa, a friend of Kurt's and someone familiar with downtown and the burgeoning art scene there. I'm hoping that she can lead me to the place I'm looking for. I have noticed with a slumped economy, people are really willing to work with you on prices and such, and are very persistent in calling and wanting you to look at the space. We'll see, there is time to get the perfect situation, or better said, the situation that  is right for us. 

Yesterday, I went for a long walk on the beach. While there I was watching the gulls walking (or standing rather) all along the shoreline. They seemed to me so very weary. All standing there waiting for something, their ebony eyes clouded over from flying and walking and searching for food. For a moment, I found my hope in realizing although yesterday was daunting, I persisted anyway. I found this beautiful room, and felt the anguish of the gulls. Last night, Kent worked on my body, giving me a massage that he does to his clients called Thai Yoga. It was painful, but when he had finished, my body felt so much better and I slept through the entire night. So, my journey continues on the pain front, learning a different way of looking at pain and treating it. Walking, massage, yoga, and nutrition, all things necessary to a healthy lifestyle. I'll need it to perform. I've done those two hour shows where I was on stage the entire time. It's not easy to maintain that kind of energy for a full two hours. Of course, these are things that the experts tell us over and over that we must do. Once again, the boulder up the hill.

Today, I'm still standing around looking at the boulder, but I think there is hope for getting it started up the hill. There is a spot on the east side where my shoulder will fit it perfectly, soon, I'll find out how heavy it is and what I'll need to move it. Until then, I'll gather others who will help me move it. 

Daunting

Today is the first day I feel a little down. Los Angeles is so big--it takes such along time to get things done. An entire day can go by just driving. I did find a place where I could resume my morning walks, but that is only for a short time, as I'll be moving once again soon. I have found several places on Craig's list, the most promising are warehouse and loft spaces in the downtown Los Angeles Arts district. To save money and time, we may rent a space down there and go in and build out the theatre space. If I didn't have such a great group of people assembling, this would be daunting, doing theatre is so much like pushing a boulder up a hill, and so far, all I can do is walk around the boulder and look at it. I think it is why life is so difficult at times, so often it seems one feels entirely alone staring at a great thing that must be moved. If the energy is there, if the enthusiasm is there, it does seem easier, but so often as humans we are consumed with just meeting our needs from day to day and surviving. Being the leader of pushing something so large, you are charged with rallying the cry, but so often the cry is a weak one. 

Still, here I am up and moving forward, even though I don't feel like it--therein lies the order of faith, doing something when you don't feel like it, hoping the feelings will come if you just can keep your feet shuffling along. I often think, however, where I would be if I was not willing to make some bold declaration--speaking is the first order of action, and then its move, move, move. As I get older, it becomes more difficult to move. I have to rely on others moving as well. I was telling Kent at this time in my life I feel like a boxer who has fought a hundred fights. Although people will still come to see me fight, I've definitely lost a step. Do I become a trainer instead? Do I find another job? Part of this journey has been to create another job for myself. To become a performer again, creating something people want to see. 

This summer, I went back to performing in an upscale restaurant, and someone ask me if doing what I was doing is draining. Yes, it is. There were some nights as I would throw my guitar in the back of my pick-up, I would get this overwhelming weariness, (like I have right now) as though the 'all of me' was resisting what I must go and do. I learned from experience, however, that as I warmed up and started to play, the weariness would always go away. Why is this? The very thing we love to do becomes a point of resistance and weariness. Again, it is the intellectual act of moving the feet and 'getting to the mountain'. I once devised a lesson to teach over two weeks on 'how difficult it is TO GET TO THE MOUNTAIN'. Once there, climbing it isn't so difficult. As out bodies warm up and we start up that narrow path that takes us to the top, we become more enthusiastic as we climb. There will always be obstacles that attempt to keep us from getting there. 

I also would feel this most every morning before I would go and teach at school. It is mind boggling to realize that I got up everyday and dressed myself to get inside of a ring with teenagers, and quite often during this boxing match I would get knocked out. I had to be cagey to have the upper hand. My goal was to have friendly sparring, and after ten years, I feel as though I learned to be fearless in a ring with teenagers. Each day, when lunch time would approach, I would go into have my lunch with other teachers who had not learned the art of boxing. There were so many cuts and bruises that I saw in those ten years. Although I will always count teaching as something I learned as a craft and will continue to do, I had enough in a more formal setting. Now I face that huge transitional period to find my way into another arena. Aaaaa! to be thirty again! To have boundless hours of energy and enthusiasm. Alas, I have what I have, perhaps experience will get me through. 

So, today I will talk to several people with downtown space, and tomorrow will go and look at the possibilities. The possibilities. What is possible? We learn that all is possible. We are taught that anything is possible in America. I pray for President Obama today, I wonder if he wakes in the middle of the night and says to himself, "What have I done? What have I declared? How will I survive this boulder I must push up this hill?  What brought me here? Can I get up tomorrow and assemble a team for this task? God help me..." 

Logistics

I arrived last night in Los Angeles. I drove to Calabasus where my friend Kent lives, I'll be staying with them until I find a place of my own. All of the scenarios for doing the play, (or now possibly plays) are in the informational gathering stage.  Kurt will fly out the first part of December to meet with all of us, and also a producer here who has optioned his story of 'Wildhorse Annie' for a film. Apparently, this producer is interested in the possibility of throwing in with us for our expertise in producing a couple of one-acts for a friend of his. All of this is much like writing a play, information, writing through the first draft, finding the structure and then re-writing the details. I actually love this part of the process, making the deal, securing the rehearsal space, and contracting the theatre. Kurt has another friend who has offered to help us secure a loft space so that we could live there and rehearse there as well. When I have more time, I will tell you about the apartment theatre in New York which was a fully functional theatre as well as a living space. The apartment theatre eventually became an article in the New York Times, and was in operation for three years. It only sat eighteen people, but became a cult theatre, and the shows were always sold out. Although eighteen seats selling out for three years is not a watershed, it changed some thinking on what a space could become. The light and sound board operator sat on the top of the refriderator, and the roof top of the six story walk up became a party each weekend, (with theatre included) It was a magical time in

NYC, one play we did had seven characters in the play, (the backstage wing space was only two feet).  Although we will be doing our play in an existing theatre, its always nice to know that if you had to, you can build out a theatre in a week's time. 

So, today I am meeting with Kent, Scott Hall, and Alex Dikowski, to see what kind of interest they have in working on this production. Alex runs a lighting and sound company called Western Productions here in Los Angeles, and is a former student of mine. Scott is a cousin, living out his dream here in LA, trying to get another movie made. So, the first and second part of the process is securing the space and securing an excited team of producers, tech experts, and publicity team. Next will be securing the 'talent'. (talent refers to the actors, directors, and designers)  Its a crazy business, but an exciting one. The Theatre we are looking at for use is The Gardner Street Theatre in Hollywood. I'll let you know what happens after the meeting! Here we go! 

Caffeine!

Today I met with Jeremy Cooney,  a former student of mine who has been such a great catalyst for our webisode series, Caffeine! We are not giving up on the development of this series, which you can see on our website, caffeinetv.net. We have decided to keep it alive but finding our financing and studio in Los Angeles instead of Phoenix. Although I will hate to lose so many of our great actors and crew here in Phoenix, it has to move where the industry is. Jeremy has been such a great source of knowledge, talent, and discipline, that I hope when the time comes, he will consider making the move to LA. Jeremy was not only one of the finest actors when I taught at Metro Arts, but he can write, Episode 6 of Caffeine!, sing and write songs, (belongs to the group Greenstreet), and is the kind of diplomat and spirit that every production needs. This is a 'shout out' blog to honor Jeremy and thank him for all he has done. He is the kind of individual who will always do what is necessary to fulfill his dreams. Thank you, Jeremy! 

I also had a wonderful lunch with my Mother, Gerry, who always generates great conversation and gives me such a sense of pride. She is the reason I am up and blogging, and I have to say my greatest influence as a writer and performer. I'm sure many of you are aware of her blog, and although we don't always agree, her sense of conviction and integrity is stellar. Her discipline to write and generate conversation is unmatched, and even more so when you meet her live. She is an inspiration and true writer.  In fact, it was Gerry who planted firmly the idea of doing this play to honor the memory of my Father, and to help me heal from his disappearance. She has been the source of much of the history written in the play, her spirit planted firmly in the core of the play. Thanks for lunch, Mom. 

Tomorrow, I will leave for Los Angeles, where I was born and partially raised. Tomorrow, I will firmly head to the latter part of my latest and newest transition. There is a great song about LA by Counting Crows called 'A Long December' , which I love to play. Even though it has a sad melody and message, I heard it as I was laying in the hospital bed after a major surgery, and right after my Father had disappeared. The month of December changed forever for me, and it will always recall those days of waiting and searching. 

I sent the play, 'Bohemian Cowboy' to the director of the play, Kurt Brungardt, who I always look forward to working with. He always has the sense of the adventure of doing a play, he will arrive in Los Angeles right after Christmas. Then the rehearsals will begin! 

City Nemesis

Well, here I am in Phoenix, my city nemesis. I had to bring some general supplies here, drop them off in storage, and then I'm off to LA on Tuesday to find my abode for the next five months. I'll stay with my friend Kent while I'm searching for a home and rehearsal space. Kent is a friend of mine who produced my first NYC production, 'Cowboys, Indians, and Waitresses'. It was a magical time for me, as they flew me out to NYC to watch my play in The Director's Theatre on theatre row. Thinking about it now, it was like a dream coming true, and the production was very well done. Eventually, this was a play that won The Lovecreek Festival in NYC, and was published by Samuel French. Kent also produced two of my plays in Australia, 'Blackout Blues' and 'The Fish Must Die'. Although I didn't get to go see them in Australia, the reviews were favorable, and once again, while the plays were up, I was on a cloud. Kent is a great friend, how fortunate he now lives in Los Angeles. How wonderful to have friends such as Kent. 

I can feel the energy of theatre starting to pull friends and family into its vortex. I have always been amazed at how a play can do that. A piece of theatre is such a living work of art--it has an amazing cause and effect. While a play is in the process stage, it creates plenty to talk about, and draws people together in a powerful way. Manifesting a play that an audience will eventually see, often pulls you into a dimension that feels like an alternate universe. I have found it to be a the ultimate leap of faith, and now I'm on my way to LA to take another huge leap. I can feel the support begin to manifest--I think because a play is a foreign work of art to most people, as if is an impossible pursuit for one's life.  Although I feel like I have missed out in the pursuit of family and a conventional life, it feels as if it is the only thing I must do. This I owe to my Mother, whose life's work has always seemed like the ultimate leap. It is a risk that feels so frightening, and yet for me, the inside of a play seems like the safest place I could be. 

I think it feels safe because my plays are so personal, my life evolving  from one play to another. A play is a therapy of the imagination. During the rehearsal process, I feel as though some shaman takes over my life and spirit, as if God is communicating some unspoken revelation. 

I've started to revise the play, and am happy to find that although it needs plenty of work, after putting it down for awhile, it still reads really well. Finding the structure of a play is one of the most exciting parts of the writing process. When the structure begins to reveal itself, I feel as though its something beyond something a human could find. this is where the spirit takes over. Bohemian Cowboy is structured as seven parts, three parts in each seven. The first part is the story I'm telling, the second part is speaking to a mythical character, and the third part is the song that pulls everything together with emotion that cannot be spoken. I don't ever sit down and decide on a structure, one must begin writing believing that it will reveal itself. When it comes, it is the key that becomes the purpose, the revelation that my life is being revealed through the imagination. What a joy! 

The structure of this blog and journal is something that I've yet to find, but it will come. Today, I feel gratitude for all of those who are listening and supporting me in this venture. Thank you, all! 

The Beginning.

Recently, I was offered financial assistance for a play that I have been working on, 'The Gospel According to Irony', after a friend of mine saw me do a staged  reading of it in a small amphitheater in Boulder, Utah. After accepting this generous offer, I decided I wanted to journal through the project, from its genesis through the manifestation of the production, and if necessary, continue on  writing about it as I establish a tour of  it through the United States.

I hope to accomplish several things by writing about the project. The first, would be to establish a foundation of support and interest. I have been creating theatre projects for a good twenty years, and have learned much about the process and the result of creating something from the ground up.  Several of these projects I managed through establishing a communication not only with the players of the project, but also establishing a dialogue with the audience of the project as well. Although like a play, I expect it to be a little unsteady until I find the structure this blog will manifest, I believe it will gradually find a footing that could prove to be interesting. I think for those who love to learn as well as love the 'creative process' it will prove to be relatively interesting, and to those who just love writing my challenge will be to make it an interesting to read.  

These are some of the facts of the play.

The play is a one man show, I am also the performer.

The play is approximately an hour and a half long. 

The play is biographical, but told in a theatrical way, which means I will take plenty of liberty. 

This play is somewhere around the thirtieth play I've written, if you count the one act plays. 

All of my plays have had production somewhere and somehow. Many of them I produced myself. 

I have three plays that are published, I mention this because I'm proud of that fact, because it is difficult for plays to get published, and no, they are not 'self published'. I have a fourth play that is pending publication, which really means that the publisher of (Anchorage Press) is still trying to decide whether to publish it or not, (its a musical, which means its more difficult to publish) and the other company I have a play published with is Samuel French, which is the largest play publisher in the world. For many years, I rarely mentioned my accomplishments, but as I get older and a little more confident, I'm not as modest anymore... (I hope you are chuckling) 

I love the play writing form. I also write songs, poems, stories and screenplays, but 'the play is my favorite form. I love it because of the way a play must use language to keep the audience awake and alive. 

I'll write more later, but am so happy to get started! I am also looking forward to getting to know many of you! 

The play has a seven part structure, or, one act with fourteen scenes, (I will explain this as we go along...)